Leave
by Leiamoody of Ysonesse
Summary: Leia and Han run away from the New Republic to start a new life. Alternate ending for Courtship of Princess Leia.


**Leave**

"I have a confession to make."

Leia kept watching the two little girls running along the quay. One was taller than the other, yet both seemed to be around the same age. Friends, perhaps, or cousins, rather than sisters. Both had the same tanned skin of children who spent their lives under a tropic sun; children of the fishing culture, children of the sea. Children who had no worries, who didn't have the plague of nightmares about a Sith Lord as a father or the faces of loved ones washed away by death. No, these girls were free to be alive, to play along with the gulls and the waves and the clouds.

"Han, I want out." She had to keep her attention away from him, to keep her resolve. His face was usually her comfort, but right now, it could be the one factor that influenced her to stay on the course that threatened to destroy her sanity, and possibly her life, and their relationship. She must hold firm, and not shatter into mirrored fragments that would reflect her past and force her to remain a slave to the government and ideals that she once thought were so important. But there was no truth in them now, not after what they wanted.

"I want to resign from the Provisional Council."

Now Leia braved a glance over at her husband (they were married just yesterday; at sunset, on the beach by an elderly holy man, with only themselves, the ocean, and their immortal kin as witnesses). Han stared down at the half-imbibed blue wine in the frosted tall glass in front of him. She knew that he knew this decision was inevitable, but also knew that he hoped it never showed up. It burned her soul to bring this anguish to their doorstep, but she needed his support. To know that he was fine with her wish, that he wouldn't be disappointed in her for "giving up" rather than standing on shaky ground and trying to fight the losing battle.

"I don't care about loyalty anymore. Or duty to the cause. My..." what, then, what part couldn't take the chaos anymore? Her mind, her spirit, every particle in between the two entities? "I just cannot handle the pressure. What they expect from me is wrong. And unfair. The Council's turned into a catastrophe, and it's going to take the Senate right along with it. And none of them care anymore. They think sending wave after wave against the Remnant will work. But it hasn't gained us anything so far. And now their tactics are so futile and outdated. But they refuse to bend." Leia closed her eyes and leaned back in the chair. "They don't listen to me anymore. Not even Mon."

"You usually call her Kaliane," Han muttered, still contemplating his drink.

"Yes, well, she's Mon now because of that blasted Hapan affair." Leia turned her gaze back towards the ocean. The sun continued its descent into the sea. Not literally, of course, but she liked the notion of a solar body taking its rest surrounded by the safety of the eternal element that made all life possible. "To think she would dare ask me to wed that...she and Horm thought I would actually consider leaving you to marry a prince." Her laugh was bitter and choked. "Do they think I'm a fool? Or a gullible little girl who would gladly trade her life for supposed peace with a stranger?" She was betrayed by those her father had called friends. The ones she must always trust, no matter the circumstances.

"Father, you were deceived," she whispered.

"Bail couldn't have known they were so stupid." Han's voice was calm, but his Force aura held the distinct note of reasonably contained anger layered alongside an equally strong aura of frustration with the whole matter. "That's the trouble with friends sometimes. They've got masks on, and you never can tell what's really going on underneath. One face is smiling, but the other one is ready to spit fire."

"That's the most poetic set of words you've ever said." For a moment, her heart went aloft, just above the interior gloom. So few would ever suspect Han could make observations with great meaning in plain language.

"Yeah, this garbage is bringing out the philosopher in me," Han replied, finally looking into her eyes. "Look, I don't want you to be part of this group anymore, since they're expecting you to become a puppet. " He reached across the table and placed his hand over top of hers. "But I wonder what's gonna happen next if you decide to quit the Republic."

Leia frowned, and looked back over to the beach. The two girls had moved away from the dock, and were now scampering along the water's edge. The taller girl bent down as a line of whitecaps swept up towards her ankles. The smaller one was consumed within her own sphere, placing her hands into the sand as the tide receded. Leia then saw in her mind's eye the shore of Lake Aldera, and those days when she tried to make castles from water and earth. They never quite came out as they should have.

_Many things are that way, it seems._

'I never got to do stuff like that," Han said. So the girls caught his attention too. "Never any time for being a kid when I got stuck with Shrike."

She sighed. "I know." That was what hurt more than anything else about this mess. Han had suffered enough throughout his life. And yet others were still judging him. He was punished for having worked on the wrong side of the law, even though she and everyone in the Rebellion had also been illegal for so many years. These people, her friends who gathered under the banner of equality and justice for all...were liars. They thought Han wasn't good enough to be her consort, as Threkin said. Her consort? Why would she need a royal partner? The House Organa was dead, and it was never going to be reborn. And to even dare suggest she allow herself to be wed to that Hapan...yes, he was pretty enough for a man, and he seemed to possess integrity. Surely he would make a great ally for the Republic someday if he should be allowed to inherit the throne. But anything that might transpire between his kingdom and the New Republic must be done on terms where she wasn't offered as a sacrifice.

She had no desire or need for a consort. A husband would do just fine, and he was sitting across from her.

"No regrets?" Her question wasn't entirely serious. He had made the decision to come here the same morning the Hapans packed up their Dragon ships and scuttled back to their little corner of the galaxy. The preliminary treaty was signed despite her refusal to become a princess bride. Yet Fey'lya took advantage of her faux pas and pushed through a recommendation to have her replaced on the Council, as she was obviously unfit to participate in the governing process.

Leia wasn't surprised when Mon agreed to consider his suggestion. Not after the way she had been viewed and treated as a commodity by some of her oldest friends. To Mon, Ackbar, and even Threkin, she wasn't human anymore. Just a symbol, and a dejarik piece that could be pushed around the game board according to their mutual whims.

So they wanted her out of the way. For how long? Going back to the months when she spent more time searching for Han than running around trying to win the favor of dissenting systems to make them join the Rebellion? Most likely, yes, it was during that time. It was assumed she would set aside her emotions and continue to be the pretty, articulate, and political automaton who never felt anything other than devotion to a cause. All her life, all her life, she had been so good, always following the will of others.

A rebellion that didn't allow for rebellion was nothing but a sham. And it had no room for the flow of life, so it was dead and fossilized, just like the Old Republic. Just like the Empire.

"We'll leave," she said, turning once more to watch the little girls on the beach. They had begun the first stage of a sand castle. Just two small mounds close together, irregular humps that would take time to form into solid shapes that would become towers. But a good start for a fortress, a safe place.

"Where will we go?"

He asked a logical question. But once again, just as she had done not so long ago or far away when he was taken from her, Leia was ready to defy logic, and think with her heart.

She leaned across the table and kissed him. Then she asked him the simplest question in the galaxy.

"Is here good for you?"


End file.
